Q: I got engaged right before COVID hit so we haven’t planned anything yet. We were planning on waiting to have a big wedding when it’s safe. But, recently we decided that while we still want the big wedding, we also don’t want to wait. So, we’re planning a virtual wedding now. But, I’m not sure how to have a virtual wedding without it taking away from the big wedding. How do you walk that line so that it’s special, but doesn’t infringe on our big wedding later on?
This is such a great question! And it’s a question many couples are facing, or will be facing in the months to come as COVID lingers.
Because it is a worry. And a bit of a conundrum.
On the one hand you want your virtual wedding (or micro wedding) to be fun. You want it to be special and unique and personal.
You want it to be all the things a wedding should be.
But, you also want your big wedding or “normal” or “full” wedding you have later to also be special and unique and personal.
And you don’t want either to take away from the other.
So, can you have both? And how do you have both?
Let’s start with the first question, can you have both?
Yes, you can absolutely have both!
While it’s a totally rational worry to have, that your virtual wedding will take away from your big wedding… it’s not a worry you actually have to worry about.
Because your virtual wedding will not take away from the big wedding. In fact, the two can work really well together (we’ll get to that in a bit).
And here’s why…
Because they’re two totally different types of weddings.
Yes, they both focus on you. Yes, they’re both weddings. And yes, you have all the same guests.
But, the mere fact that one is virtual and one is not means that certain things that you’d plan for one, you just wouldn’t (or couldn’t) for the other.
An in person wedding is just different from a virtual one.
What you plan and how you plan it is geared towards the type of wedding you’re having.
For example, you likely wouldn’t have a virtual Ketubah signing ceremony or a virtual Hindu ceremony. Because in both cases, in person physical interaction is necessary between multiple people.
Here’s another example… Planning a 20 minute trivia game is something that would be fun for a virtual wedding, but likely not an in person one.
And here’s one more example… You can have a dance party at both your virtual and in person wedding. But, they’ll function a little differently, because at one you’re at home and the other you’re together.
So what you have planned depends on the type of wedding and activities don’t necessarily translate between one and the other.
So, the point here is that your two weddings are different.
And what this means is that you can make both your virtual wedding and your big wedding special without one taking away from the other.
In other words, you can go for it!
And that’s also how you make both special.
You plan them both as you would any wedding. Incorporate yourselves, your wants, what’s important and your story into both weddings.
It’s just a matter of how.
You’ll have some elements that will be just for your virtual wedding or just for your big wedding purely because it makes sense logistically or because it’s better one way over another.
But you’ll also have some elements that will be in both weddings.
And then you’ll have some elements that lead you from one to the other. Like a first course and a second course.
And all those elements will connect the two weddings and make them both yours, but both still different.
Because as we said earlier, the two actually work well together.
Think of your virtual wedding and your big wedding as partners.
They’re different, but they work together to create something special. Where you can share your love, celebrate your wedding with your loved ones and create an experience to remember.
So, don’t be afraid of stepping on your wedding’s toes!
Don’t be afraid of making your virtual wedding now as awesome as you want it to be. It won’t take away from your big wedding later.
In fact, it will make it all the more special.
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