Wedding Wednesday Q&A: How To Plan a Wedding When You Want Different Things

Wedding Wednesday Q&A by Jamie Chang Destination Wedding Planner of Mango Muse Events and creator of Passport to Joy online step by step wedding planning course for couples

Q: I just got engaged and my partner and I have started to talk about the wedding. And it turns out he doesn’t really care to have a wedding. He wants to go to the courthouse and then just have a small, simple dinner with family. And while I want something intimate, there are a lot of people I’m close to and want at the wedding. So, how do you even plan a wedding when you want different things?

So, I’m not going to lie… this is one of the hardest things to deal with when it comes to planning your wedding.

When you and your partner want different things it can feel like you’re fighting a battle you know you can’t win. And it can be really frustrating and feel just pointless.

It can also completely suck the joy out of wedding planning.

Because how do you move forward with anything? You want to be happy, but you want your partner to be happy too.

Happy couple laughing at their wine country wedding by destination wedding planner Mango Muse Events creator of Passport to Joy, the online wedding planning course for couples
(Photo credit: Andria Lo Weddings)

So, compromise is going to be your best friend in this situation. It’s what you’ll need to use for every decision where you butt heads.

And while compromise isn’t always easy, it’s the only way to make sure you both are heard and get a win.

So, where do you start? At the beginning and take it step by step.

Start with a conversation so you both can express what you want and the kind of wedding you want.

Then make sure you both agree that there will need to be a compromise so everyone is happy. And then work towards that compromise.

So, in this situation, maybe it’s having a super small private ceremony and a larger reception. Or maybe it’s having a smaller ceremony and reception. And then a more casual larger party after.

What you’re doing is finding a way to achieve the most important part of what you both are looking for.

Because you can’t have everything. You need to be willing to give something up so that you’re both happy.

But, the great thing is that there is almost always a solution.

Something that maybe isn’t perfect for everyone, but will work for everyone.

The key is to make sure everyone is heard. And then find a solution together that you both will be good with.

Once you’ve come to a good solution, then you’ve made progress! And you can move forward.

And anytime you run up against differing opinions (which you will) especially for big decisions like the size of your wedding, go through the same process.

Work together!

In honesty, it actually will be a great process for you and your partner. A great practice for your marriage and life.

And you never know, a solution you come up with could be the best decision you make for your wedding!

Because it will be a fusion of your wants.

And isn’t that what your union is about? Coming together.

So, don’t stress out so much about wanting different things. Instead use this opportunity to come together and find a solution that works for you both.

Bride and groom arms around each other walking together in a field at their Sonoma wedding by destination wedding planner Mango Muse Events creator of Passport to Joy, the online wedding planning course for couples
(Photo credit: Arrowood Photography)

Are you planning your wedding and feeling overwhelmed? You’re not quite sure what you should be doing or if what you’re doing is right? Does this sound familiar?  

We understand and we want to help make wedding planning easier and happier.

And here’s how you can get started:

Become a Passport to Joy member! We’ll help you through the entire process to figure out what you want and how to move forward.

And you can also have access to a personal wedding advisor to help you advise you through any struggles you may face.

So you can enjoy your engagement and also keep all your hair.

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