Wedding Wednesdays Q&A: How To Handle A Demanding Mother While Planning Your Wedding

Wedding Wednesdays Q&A by Jamie Chang Destination Wedding Planner of Mango Muse Events and creator of Passport to Joy

Q:  My mother is my mother and I love her.  But, she’s also a handful.  She’s pretty demanding and wants everything done her way.  Which is ok normally, but makes it hard when you’re planning a wedding.  She keeps making these comments about my wedding and it just makes me upset.  I had a breakdown the other day and I don’t know what to do.  How do I deal with her?

First of all, I want you to know that you are not alone.  It can feel that way when you’re in this type of a situation.  But, you’re not alone.  I’m here to help you.

And it’s also important you know that it’s not just you.  I hear similar frustrations from brides and grooms all the time.

Here’s the reality, weddings are emotional.  For EVERYONE.

Yourself, your fiancé and yes, your mother.

Emotional mother of the bride hugging the bride after the wedding ceremony in Sonoma by Destination wedding planner Mango Muse Events creator of Passport to Joy

(Photo credit: Chrisman Studios)

When there is a lot of emotion, it’s really easy to get caught up in it and forget about others and the big picture.

I’m sure your mother is excited for you and wants you to be happy.  And she loves you.

But, she probably has some ideas on what she thinks a wedding should have or should be.  Or what she thinks makes a good wedding.  And if she naturally always wants things to be done her way, your wedding is going to be no different.

So, I think the first thing is to accept that this is how your mom is going to be.  She loves you and it’s just who she is.

But, the goal here is that we want to make sure that you’re happy.  And if you can make her happy too, great!  But, this is your wedding and I want to make sure that you’re happy first.

A happy bride at her San Francisco wedding with a view by Destination wedding planner Mango Muse Events creator of Passport to Joy

(Photo credit: Jerry Yoon Photographers)

So, how do we achieve that?

Start by distancing your mother from your wedding.  You don’t have to shut her out completely (or you can), but don’t involve her in everything.  You’ll only get more of what you’ve been experiencing.

Keep her involvement to things that you don’t mind or would like her opinion on.  That will help the sheer amount of things she can comment on.  And if you’re only sharing things you don’t mind an opinion on then you’re also less likely to get upset.

Groom and mother of the groom dancing the mother son dance at a wedding reception in San Francisco at Terra by Destination wedding planner Mango Muse Events creator of Passport to Joy

(Photo credit: Jerry Yoon Photographers)

Then start putting your foot down.  You’ve probably been either making decisions to make her happy or avoiding decisions because you know she won’t like your choice.  And you’re trying to avoid a confrontation and that upset feeling you get because it sucks.

But, that’s resulting in you feeling frustrated, not getting anything done and not being happy with what you have done.

So, instead, make decisions that are right for you two and your wedding.  And then stick to it.

If she makes a comment, just ignore it or explain to her that this is what you want.  But, keep to what will make you happy.  Try not to let her opinion bother you.  Feel good about doing what’s right for you and just move on.

Bride and mother of the bride walking down the aisle at a Carmel wedding ceremony by Destination wedding planner Mango Muse Events creator of Passport to Joy

(Photo credit: Sabine Scherer Photography)

Here’s the thing, you can’t control her.  But, you can control how you interact with her and how it affects you.

Choose to limit your mother’s involvement and then choose to not let her comments bother you.  Keep it happy.  Remind yourself that you’re creating the wedding you want which means you’ll be happy on your wedding day.

And regardless of any comments she makes, she’s going to be happy for you too.  She loves you and you love her.  Keep that in mind and you’ll minimize the frustration and can focus on the happy instead.

Because in the end, this is how you want to feel.  Happy and loving every moment.

Mother daughter moment at wine country wedding by Destination wedding planner Mango Muse Events creator of Passport to Joy

(Photo credit: Deborah Laver Photography)

Are you planning your wedding and feeling overwhelmed? You’re not quite sure what you should be doing or if what you’re doing is right? Does this sound familiar? We understand and we want to help make wedding planning easier and happier.

And here’s how you can get started:

Take the wedding quiz and find out if one of the three common pitfalls is holding you back or causing unnecessary stress.

So you can enjoy your engagement and also keep all your hair.

Take the free wedding quiz to learn your #1 wedding pitfall and how to overcome it and get your Passport to Joy

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